Merch Store

For legal reasons: satire. For operational reasons: necessary.

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Everything here is parody/commentary. No endorsements. No affiliations. No confidential info.
If you want “official” merch, you’re in the wrong building.
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Drops

24 items
Betrayal Hoodie – Cove Pals Only 🔪🍬🍌Betrayal Hoodie – Cove Pals Only 🔪🍬🍌

Betrayal Hoodie – Cove Pals Only 🔪🍬🍌

$45.00
Bird's Eye View: CorpSlop Edition TeeBird's Eye View: CorpSlop Edition TeeBird's Eye View: CorpSlop Edition TeeBird's Eye View: CorpSlop Edition TeeBird's Eye View: CorpSlop Edition Tee

Bird's Eye View: CorpSlop Edition Tee

$27.64
Candy Face ™ — CMO Approved Sticker!!Candy Face ™ — CMO Approved Sticker!!Candy Face ™ — CMO Approved Sticker!!Candy Face ™ — CMO Approved Sticker!!

Candy Face ™ — CMO Approved Sticker!!

$7.00
Candyland Consulting - Business Cards (Professional Set)Candyland Consulting - Business Cards (Professional Set)Candyland Consulting - Business Cards (Professional Set)

Candyland Consulting - Business Cards (Professional Set)

$20.00
Candyland Consulting — Merch CardsCandyland Consulting — Merch CardsCandyland Consulting — Merch CardsCandyland Consulting — Merch Cards

Candyland Consulting — Merch Cards

$20.00
Candyland Merch Gift CardCandyland Merch Gift CardCandyland Merch Gift CardCandyland Merch Gift CardCandyland Merch Gift Card

Candyland Merch Gift Card

$5.00
Ears… At Attention!™ Tee - Bar Dog EditionEars… At Attention!™ Tee - Bar Dog EditionEars… At Attention!™ Tee - Bar Dog EditionEars… At Attention!™ Tee - Bar Dog Edition

Ears… At Attention!™ Tee - Bar Dog Edition

$33.00
Frozen Out - We Ghost You LaterFrozen Out - We Ghost You LaterFrozen Out - We Ghost You LaterFrozen Out - We Ghost You LaterFrozen Out - We Ghost You Later

Frozen Out - We Ghost You Later

$33.39
Haven’t Heard Back™ Tee — featuring John K.Haven’t Heard Back™ Tee — featuring John K.Haven’t Heard Back™ Tee — featuring John K.Haven’t Heard Back™ Tee — featuring John K.

Haven’t Heard Back™ Tee — featuring John K.

$38.00
Hogs Candyland MagSafe® Case for iPhone®Hogs Candyland MagSafe® Case for iPhone®Hogs Candyland MagSafe® Case for iPhone®Hogs Candyland MagSafe® Case for iPhone®Hogs Candyland MagSafe® Case for iPhone®

Hogs Candyland MagSafe® Case for iPhone®

$25.00
Operation Silent Echo - Under Armour® Limited ReleaseOperation Silent Echo - Under Armour® Limited Release

Operation Silent Echo - Under Armour® Limited Release

$66.60
Operation Silent Echo — Premium HoodieOperation Silent Echo — Premium HoodieOperation Silent Echo — Premium HoodieOperation Silent Echo — Premium Hoodie

Operation Silent Echo — Premium Hoodie

$33.20
Operation Silent Echo — Whiteboard Finale TeeOperation Silent Echo — Whiteboard Finale TeeOperation Silent Echo — Whiteboard Finale Tee

Operation Silent Echo — Whiteboard Finale Tee

$24.00
Operation Tense Resolve Coffee MugOperation Tense Resolve Coffee Mug

Operation Tense Resolve Coffee Mug

$12.19
Poop Patrol: Making Waves Edition - Knitted Dog SweaterPoop Patrol: Making Waves Edition - Knitted Dog SweaterPoop Patrol: Making Waves Edition - Knitted Dog SweaterPoop Patrol: Making Waves Edition - Knitted Dog Sweater

Poop Patrol: Making Waves Edition - Knitted Dog Sweater

$42.00
Poop Patrol: Service Dog Edition - Knitted Dog SweaterPoop Patrol: Service Dog Edition - Knitted Dog SweaterPoop Patrol: Service Dog Edition - Knitted Dog SweaterPoop Patrol: Service Dog Edition - Knitted Dog SweaterPoop Patrol: Service Dog Edition - Knitted Dog Sweater

Poop Patrol: Service Dog Edition - Knitted Dog Sweater

$45.00
QR Code Sticker - Candyland MerchQR Code Sticker - Candyland MerchQR Code Sticker - Candyland Merch

QR Code Sticker - Candyland Merch

$3.00
Quit Miserably - We Ghost You Later MugShotQuit Miserably - We Ghost You Later MugShotQuit Miserably - We Ghost You Later MugShot

Quit Miserably - We Ghost You Later MugShot

$12.05
Service Dog Boundaries: Poop Patrol TeeService Dog Boundaries: Poop Patrol TeeService Dog Boundaries: Poop Patrol Tee

Service Dog Boundaries: Poop Patrol Tee

$23.00
Soda Water & Confessions HoodieSoda Water & Confessions Hoodie

Soda Water & Confessions Hoodie

$49.80
Tense Resolve - Kick Rocks GlassTense Resolve - Kick Rocks GlassTense Resolve - Kick Rocks GlassTense Resolve - Kick Rocks Glass

Tense Resolve - Kick Rocks Glass

$12.16
Tense Resolve – Broken Wave Edition BeanieTense Resolve – Broken Wave Edition BeanieTense Resolve – Broken Wave Edition BeanieTense Resolve – Broken Wave Edition Beanie

Tense Resolve – Broken Wave Edition Beanie

$23.39
The Chief Morale Officer Premium TeeThe Chief Morale Officer Premium TeeThe Chief Morale Officer Premium TeeThe Chief Morale Officer Premium TeeThe Chief Morale Officer Premium Tee

The Chief Morale Officer Premium Tee

$26.00
Welfare Checks...Are Fun! Tee

Welfare Checks...Are Fun! Tee

$22.00